strawberry fields {a micro vlog}

about a month ago we went strawberry picking at washington farms in watkinsville, georgia. i know i already blogged photos from our morning there, but we finally got around to making a little movie of it, too! it's pretty low-key and slow-paced, but i somehow really like it. i think j think it needs more action and excitement, but i'm ok with the simplicity of it. hope you enjoy! :)

ramen date night {a mini film}

hope no one minds two videos back to back but we are finally getting somewhat caught up on our back log of video! a few weeks ago j and i went on a date to makan in decatur to have ramen! we both love ramen and have made doctored-up grocery-store ramen (add an egg, some veggies and some chicken if you need extra protein!) ever since we got married. as mentioned online, the ambience at makan was very calm, relaxed and perfect for date nights. i can't remember the name of the drink i had but i think it was a lychee-flavored rice wine liqueor? something like that. so interesting! after dinner we walked around old town decatur square (our go-to date night area) and got coffee and some frozen yogurt. i'm not sure why but for some reason j, who is highly lactose intolerant, can tolerate the frozen yogurt at the yogurt tap there. it is also THE best frozen yogurt i've ever tried. especially the strawberry and chocolate flavors. yummmmm.

we did something different with this video and instead of actually shooting video, we shot a ton of burst shots and stitched them together to make a video. it was fun, hope you enjoy! :)

beach vacation {a film}

can you believe we are finally sharing our beach vacation video?? finally, right?! haha. well this one was a labor of love, and i hope it shows. these things take a lot of time! as always we had fun shooting the footage, and i think we may have even learned that there is such a thing as overdoing it on the shooting. sometimes there was so much pressure to take video of everything that we had to stop ourselves and remind each other to relax and enjoy our VACATION. haha. sometimes being creative means you can't take as many breaks, but i think having this video to look back on it all definitely makes it worth it! what a fun vacation, can't wait to do it again!

enjoy!

xx

"me" time

it feels almost silly to even talk about, this "me" time that i constantly hear other mothers talking about, and if i weren't a mother i'm not sure i would really understand how important this time is. i think i see mothers as these all-powerful, all-able, completely unflappable energizer bunnies, and that's where the problem is. because in believing that, i'm basically setting the daily stage for my own downfall, since as all the more sane people out there probably realize (and in the words of miss elizabeth bennett), "i never saw such a woman."

for instance, if you were around a few other adults for 12+ hours a day/7 days a week, it would be totally exhausting and you would surely need a recharge at some point. but if those adults were somehow light (and weird;) enough to climb all over you, incapable of using inside voices, had inexplicably bad coordination/notions of danger, and felt comfortable asking you approximately 10,000 questions a day...? you would definitely need some "me" time.

with wilder, i was mostly able to recharge during his nap times. but ever since i added another to the mix, and even more especially since wilder stopped napping (and staying in his own room at night) about six months ago, it's been harder to find quiet time to myself.

lately it's becoming more and more clear that the only way to do this is to wake up before the kids. ha! but until that actually becomes a reality, i usually just try to get in a few minutes during evie's nap time and after they are both snug in their beds at night.

during those times my favorite ways to spend "me" time are:

1. words on paper. whether it's a simple little list of what's going on in my head or progress on a more creative endeavor, there is nothing more recharging than curling up in a comfy chair and writing something (preferably with a cup of coffee in hand). for me at least, pen and paper are my gold.

2. reading. all. the. books. i almost always have a long list of books i am working on and there is never enough time for them all! so sad.

3. exercise. this hasn't been a big one in a long time, mainly for the sad excuse that it is not very convenient or easy in our current circumstances. sob, i know.

4. bubble baths. this happens so, so rarely, because the only tub is in the kids bathroom. like all the other women in the world, i dream of one day owning a claw-foot tub. ;)

5. opening the Bible, early in the morning. this is such a big one for spiritual and psychological awakening and recharging. i wish i could say it's my daily practice, but for now, it's a daily work in progress.

on the first day of summer

on the first day of summer, we....stayed home and played with markers. and while i have a thousand not-so-secret wishes and dreams about summer which involve pools and watermelon and sunshine and green grass under bare feet and while i am daily mourning the current loss of those dreams due to  yellow jacket nests and snakes and such, it is summer! and summer is a good time to be happy and carefree and thankful for what you've got.

i've been quiet on this blog for a few weeks, and i've been trying to figure out what exact type of malaise i've been stricken with. i almost wish i were pregnant, because that at least would explain the lack of motivation and energy that has had me lying so low, but no, that's not it. i think maybe i've just been needing to take a break. to have some quiet days where we do nothing big and exciting. where the camera stays in its bag and i step away from all the screens. where the biggest news of the day is my baking cookies or finding a dvd of french language cartoons at the library.

i mentioned on instagram but never blogged about how evie got second degree burns from a cup of hot tea a few weeks ago. we've been taking good care of her, and she'll hopefully heal scarlessly, but i think it caused us all to feel a little emotionally fragile and in need of slow, quiet days. time to heal and slow down and hibernate a little. i actually like slow, quiet days. and while i would love our slow, quiet days to involve more backyard-type play, we are all happy, healthy and sound, and that's what matters.

so! come at us summer! we are ready for all the slow, quiet, wonderfully simple days you will bring. evie in particular has nothing against rainbow-markered days. ;)

wilderisms.

wilder is becoming SUCH a big boy. i am so loathe to let his babyhood go, but i also love all the adorable things coming out of his mouth these days:


"...Ti, a drink with jam and bread! That will bring a snack to Do-oh-oh-oh." (singing Do-Re-Mi)
"Hawk-a-marine" (aquamarine)
"Wow, it's nighttime out here. I wonder how far it will be night." (As he's tiptoeing down the driveway.)
"Evie is on the table. I can't believe it." (me: "Me neither.") "Who can believe it?"
"C-A-T-E-R-P-I-L-L-A-R-S. Caterpillars. Caterpil-LARS!" (spelling out caterpillars, realizing they are kin to Lars, haha!;)
"She tried to push the chair. It was not too perfect." (about evie, as usual;)
"I want to ride a motorcycle." (um no. never.)
"Papa, i'm three years old, and this is my friend Big Teddy, and he's three, too."
"Mommy, I changed my mind."
"Papa-the-hut."
(THUMP) (me: "Are you getting on Evie?")  "No, Evie is just having some trouble."
"I'm going to work! Bye Mommy!" (coming back to me) "I'm just joking! I'm not going to leave you!"
"We are in a band." (me: "What's the name of your band?") "Our name is Jack and Jill. I'm Jack and Evie is Jill. And you're Princess Leia."
(me: "Night, night Jack.") "No, I've been Jack. Now I'm Wilder."
"I want someone to play with me!" (me: "Evie can play with you.") "No! I want a person like a mommy with black hair to play with me!"
"Are you (fill in the blank), Evie, yes or no?" (Evie: (invariably) "no.") <---- this makes us all die laughing, every time.

weekly portraits

this time right now with the kiddos has been good. we've been taking it slow, and even though our schedule of morning out, lunch at home, nap, playtime, dinner, bath, bed has pretty much stayed the same, it has felt a little less hectic, even on those couple of days where evie wouldn't stop pulling the kitchen gate down and i had to basically camp out in the opening to play with wilder and keep her from falling down the stairs, ha! (we have since replaced the gate and now i can actually cook without worrying about evie getting into mischief;) i have been consciously ignoring my phone more often and spending more face time (the real kind of face time) with my babies. wilder's imagination is exploding, and all he asks for all day is for someone to play with him, so i've been on the floor with him a lot and loving it. it makes us both happier and more content and connected when we ignore the anxious feeling to "get something done" and focus on the important work in front of us. evie really likes trying to play too, and it is so cute to watch her intently observe and try to copy her brother all day long. especially because i know she doesn't really know why we're pretending to eat blocks (cake! made with falafel and stew and blueberries and cream and tomatoes and eggs!;), or making our stuffed animals move while we talk in funny voices, or using his stethoscope to give teddy a checkup.

wilder:
tries to point out "nursery and the 3-yr-olds room" when we are driving around, even though we may not be anywhere near church. i think he is on the lookout because he doesn't like going, haha!
is still obsessed with "the funny bird" and "the broken bird" (sculptures in the yard of one of the houses near us) and has to be prepped far in advance if we are not going to be able to drive by and look at them on our way home. usually we do though.
is hyper aware of the camera, which then translates to this look on his face that makes it seem like he's upset or in a bad mood, but he's really not! just sensitive to what's going on around him.
is OBSESSED with this Melissa&Doug puzzle that we recently pulled down from the closet that is basically an analog form of Endless Alphabet (which he is only allowed to play on special occasions). all day long he asks how to spell something, and then goes and spells it out with the little wooden letters after i tell him. he has always been obsessed with the alphabet, so this is just the next natural progression. i love this kind of activity because it doesn't require me to leap about the room, haha.
is the most caring, protective older brother (sometimes;) and always comes in to pat and kiss evie on the head when i'm giving her a bottle before nap or bedtime.

evie:
acts like she isn't still healing from the second degree burns she got last week and is just as much of a wild woman as before! (i.e., a constant heart attack)
is going through a stronger separation anxiety than wilder did at this age, which i never though she would because she seems so much more independent in some ways.
is starting to want to be read to! which i find SO thrilling, of course.
likes to point at things and say "da-da" which ppl usually think means "daddy," but really she's just asking me to name it.
was devastated when we were playing a pretend game about being at someone else's house and i unthinkingly asked if she wanted to go outside and play on their rollercoaster (which she had just played on), and then i wouldn't let her go outside, because we were at home. :(
doesn't love to have her teeth brushed but is very enthusiastic about spitting into the sink just like wilder does, haha!!
still walks on her tiptoes all day long. it is completely hilariously adorable.
this stage with her is my absolute, hand's down favorite. i cannot get enough.

8 years married

8 years.

8 years of figuring out what to eat for dinner.
8 years of leaving all the cabinets and doors open.
8 years of rushing at the last minute to put the trash out for the garbage truck.
8 years of going to bed at different times.
8 years of binge-watching sci-fi tv, but also: the darling buds of may, arrested development, parks&rec, and parenthood.
8 years of "what was your favorite part" after everything we do.
8 years of mexican food and then bemoaning the lack of tacos in georgia.
8 years of constantly renewed attempts to work out.
8 years of a cabinet full of deodorant and no cologne.
8 years of the same (mostly unused) perfume.
8 years of photo storage.
8 years of playing the who will wash the dishes game (i've officially lost...or won? depending on how you look at it?).
8 years of me telling him to turn the music down.
8 years of him not being able to hear me. (there's a correlation in there, i'm sure of it.;)
8 years of birthday, anniversary, and more recently, mother's day and father's day, expectations.
8 years of sharing an umbrella. and comb. and shampoo. and laundry hamper.
8 years of bad haircuts, of accompanying each other to family functions, of job successes and frustrations, of abandoned projects, of bins of useless old cell phones.
8 years of daydreams and shared dreams.
8 years of holidays that still don't add up to traditions.
8 years of toting around my second bedroom of books.
8 years of mayo versus no mayo.
8 years of adam scott sightings.
8 years of kissing goodbye with chapped morning lips.

these are not the things i dreamed of, before i married j at the tender age of 25. well, not entirely.
i did dream of someone to hold my umbrella for me. but i think that's where my understanding of marriage stopped. i'm guessing that i'm not alone, and that many people, when they get married, are shocked to discover that the rom-com marriages they signed up for do not, in reality, exist. at least, i'm hoping i'm not alone. ;)

it is our tradition (although i'm not sure j realizes this;) to decide on our anniversary every year whether we will continue to make a go of it. whether we will renew our "contract" for another year. ha! that's a joke, of course...mostly. ;) but you'll be so glad to know that we have indeed decided to embark on this ninth year of marriage. at times it has felt like we've been coming out of valley upon valley for the last 8 years of marriage, but every year our understandings of ourselves, each other, and our marriage, seems to mature a little bit more, and suddenly here we are, 8 years in!

after these (really very few) years of marriage (and many many valleys;), i have come to believe that like all the other worthwhile things in human life, marriage is hard but worth it. it doesn't always feel like it, to be sure. there have been many moments in the past where it did not feel worth it, and i wanted to throw in the towel and run away. i really, really did. and, i'm sure there will be moments in the future where i feel the same way.

slowly i have been learning that what makes marriage special and worth it are not the things i imagined before i was married. it is not the flowers on valentine's day, or the perfect beach vacations, or the into the wee-hours of the morning heart-to-heart talks, or the always knowing what the other needs, or the leisurely weekend brunches that make marriage special. although, yes, those can be wonderful perks when and if they come, they are not, ultimately, what makes it all worth it.

it is worth it to love. to fail in love. to look for love. to learn to love. to watch love grow.
it is worth it to be willing to join your life to someone who is often a relative stranger in the beginning, to build a life with that person who perhaps you eventually realize you can't love like you thought you could, to accept the pain of compromise on behalf of this world you've built, to at times set aside your own desires, expectations, and feelings to take care of someone else's, to create a family whose needs supersede your own, and to be fulfilled in what you give, not in what is given.

i don't pretend to know the secrets of marriage. and the extent to which my love falls short of the task of marriage is tragic. and yet. i do believe marriage is worth it. i do believe it is special. and i do believe i am learning. so despite only just barely figuring out that marriage is not what i thought it was, here is something worth writing about: i'm honestly excited to spend the next however many years we have discovering all the things that make marriage worth it.


















happy 8 years, mr. loverboy! thank you for loving me through all of it. <3

memorial day strawberry picking

on memorial day we decided to go strawberry picking. at first j was like "but we've already done that," because he doesn't understand the need to do things like that every year ;) and admittedly, it was a little late in the season/day to strawberry pick, and we were all melting by the end of it. but now that we have a nice juicy basket of strawberries in the fridge (recipes please??!!!) and all these sweet photos, i'm so glad we did it! definitely something i want to do every year! i remember picking blackberries growing up every year, and i loved it! i think once the kids are old enough to actually like the picking process it will be even more fun! also, the place where we go near athens has started to have blackberry picking too, which is exciting. after hurriedly filling our basket before the kids got cranky, we shared a homemade strawberry ice cream and then took some photos in the blackberry patch....i'm not sure why. i think we were thinking it would be shaded?? i plopped evie down with our basket of strawberries and she and wilder were so content to cram strawberries in their faces they didn't even run off, as usual, so i got a few really sweet photos of them. and i LOVE the ones that j got of me with them....such great photos! :)

haha he was totally not feeling my instructions to "show me your strawberry! no look at me!" ;)

bliss. although i think i'm not the only one who realizes that ice cream is better when it's cold outside, not when it's hot and you're all thirsty and stuff. 

admiring the blackberry bushes

a bucket of strawberries for me?!?! :D